Entry #27, November 23rd, Fourth Year of Armageddon

Been awhile since I wrote in this thing. Been awhile since I felt like spilling to something.

It's been a few weeks since Halloween came and went. Me and Jacob just holed up and rode it out, then waited a few days for the mongrels, freaks, Risen, Beasts, and what the fuck ever else decided to come out to all go back into their hidey holes, hopefully stopping for a few snacks along the way. That was usually the only way that the mess ended up being cleaned up at all was for the flesh-eater types to seize the opportunity for a yearly buffet.

We waited about a week until the noise died down, and then moved out. As usual after the festivities, there were several newly vacated cars sitting around, so we "borrowed" one and started moving west. I'm hoping to get as far as Missouri before we have to go by foot.

After that, we have to sneak out of the Zones into what used to be Arkansas. From what I've seen, it's nothing but some really bloody wasteland now that stretches diagonally from Louisiana to Nevada, and up through Oregon. To the north, everything's held by the Infernals. To the south, it's all held by the God Squad.

The north west corner of Arkansas is where the no-man's-land is the thinnest, so that's going to be our best bet for getting through. Unfortunately, it's still about sixty miles of the worst shit this fucked up planet has to offer. Not going to be a lot of sleeping until we can hit the Texas border, preferably without me being shot on sight by some trigger happy angel.

I am one of the Damned, after all.

Going to be a lot of driving ahead, and some very little sleep, so I'll pick up again when I can.

Entry #28, November 26th, Fourth Year of Armageddon

Time to kiss our relatively easy transport goodbye and start pounding pavement. Car started to crap out on us about six or seven miles back anyway.

Jacob's turned out to be a hell of a lot tougher of a little kid than I would have given him credit for. I figured he'd sack out for most of the driving, but he forced himself to stay awake to help me stay awake. Kept trying to get me to play different trivia games, and shit like that. Kicked my ass for the most part, but he kept me awake.

There's a resistance cell in St. Louis who will hopefully have some kind of route past the Zone gates. Somehow I doubt they'll have any type of safe path through the war zone, but something's better than nothing.

We stopped for some rest before ditching the car. I'm not that worried about being snuck up on, since we're pretty well away from the road and out of sight, but I need to sleep badly. Unfortunately, Jacob's hands are still a little on the small side for effective firearm use, so I'm kind of napping in and out. Woke up for a little while and figured that this was as good a time as any to put some of my screwed up thoughts down.

Kind of strange to be in total silence. It's almost like this all really isn't happening. Of course, you can still look up at the sky and see Star Wars re-enacted just like any other night, but it's nice and quiet down here on the ground, and it's almost unsettling. Leaves me a little too alone with my head.

Jacob's sleeping soundly. As only a kid could I guess. Amazing how he can be exposed to what he's been exposed to, and still sleep like a rock.

Afraid my own guilty conscience keeps me from doing that, even without all the shit that's going on.

Anyway, it's getting late enough that writing is keeping me from concentrating on our surroundings. I'll pick up again when I can.

Entry #29, November 27th, Fourth Year of Armageddon

I had a visitor last night. In a dream.

But it wasn't a dream. I've been through it before … when Michael decided it was time for a chat.

But this wasn't Michael. Not by a fucking long shot.

I don't remember where I was in the dream. It was dark, and it was outside, but other than that I don't remember any details.

Jacob wasn't there … I remember that much … I was alone at first, and then I just wasn't.

I turned really quick, hand reaching for a gun, but I didn't have any on me for some reason. That's when … he … spoke.

"Relax, Michael," it was like the voice was coming from the air all around me. "I just wanna talk."

The dark just kind of took shape, and there he was not three feet in front of me. He looked almost just like Michael did … from the long nearly black hair down to the black combat boots. But it wasn't Michael … fuck me, but I wish it had been …

I told him that I was already bringing the kid across, and that they could just keep their fucking wings on until I got there. He just smiled wider. Don't mind telling you that I was getting a fucking mega sized creep from the way he smiled.

"I'm not who you think I am, Michael," was all he said.

I knew he was an angel … that much was pretty much a given. But, hell if I knew which one he was.

He must have heard that thought because he laughed out loud. I was suddenly reminded of the first time I met Michael, and the strong urge I had to crawl down my own throat.

"You're insight is becoming dull in your old age, Michael," he told me. "I'm an angel … but not one of those self righteous fucks that serve the Great and Holy Fuck Of Them All."

Then it hit me … he was a Fallen.

"Close," (again with the fucking telepathy),"but not quite. I'm not A Fallen … I'm THE Fallen."

Oh shit … that was pretty much all my stinging wit would summon … ohshitohshitohshitohshit …

This just made him laugh more.

"Oh, I do forget how entertaining you shaved apes can be sometimes!" I was too fucking scared to be insulted.

"Let me cut to the chase, hm? I want the boy, and I'm prepared to offer you a deal …"

Something cut into my panic locked frontal lobe … deal? He wants to deal?! Why not just take the fucking kid, skewer me out on a stake for the Risen, and be done with it?

He just shook his head, and looked up at the pitch black sky. "Why in the FUCK, didn't You give these fucking primates the ability to put two and two together?!" Then he just shook his head muttering Jesus Christ, then giggling as if it was some kind of private joke. He turned back to me, "If I could have done that, I would have, you ignorant ape. But neither of us … neither me nor His King-Shitness up there have full reign over the other, and ole' Dad's blocking me from finding you directly. Just like I'm blocking Him from helping you directly."

The concept that these two …whatever the fuck you want to call them … were vying over me and this kid was just plain fucked up to think about.

"Look, before I lose you completely, let me get to my deal … first off, let me show you what I'll give you if you deliver Jacob back to me …"

He waved his arm like a game show host, and I was someplace else. Everything was pillow type material … plush wherever you looked … there was a bed with two figures on it … and my heart almost stopped.

It was Jaime … and Rachel.

My heart started pounding in my ears so loud I couldn't hear anything else. They both climbed up out of the bed, naked as the day they were born. They were saying something … I was too dumbfounded to hear it … and just so fucking happy to see them both alive.

Before I knew it, there were hands, and lips, and skin … oh God I've missed them so much … the smell of Jaime's sweet sweat … the smooth flesh of Rachel's full breast … the almighty sweetest feeling of just knowing they were there … I could feel the tears rolling down my face. I couldn't control them, and I didn't give a shit.

In a blink it was all gone.

I was sitting on my knees on the ground, crying like a fucking infant for him to bring them back. I felt him lightly stroke my head, and it actually felt calming.

"I'll bring them back, Michael … and you can be with them both for all of eternity … all you have to do is bring me the boy …"

The boy … Jacob … I suddenly remembered Jacob … and I knew what they would probably do to him if I took him back.

I wiped the tears away, stood up and said that I hated to disappoint him, but I couldn't do it. Inside, my mind and my heart were screaming 'Fuck the kid!! Are you fucking insane??!?!' and I had to bite on my tongue until I drew blood to keep from forking Jacob over, but I stood my ground.

He sighed … not angry. Just disappointed … or so I thought.

"Michael, I hate to get heavy handed. Things would be so much easier on your kind if you'd just cooperate … then I wouldn't have to do things like this to you when you disappoint me …"

Another wave of the arm, and I'm in a cave. The air's searing my lungs, and my arms are chained behind me. I'm being held by two big gray fuckers on either side of me.

Jaime and Rachel are there again … only the circumstances aren't as pleasant this time. This time, I'm being forced to watch while a group of incubi brutalize them both. Jaime's screaming and struggling while her hands are held behind her by one of the fuckers. Another one bends over in front of her, and the one holding her forces her face into his ass. Her screams muffle, and pick up in pitch as he pushes his monstrosity of a dick into her ass. The flesh splits as he goes in, and I can't even do so much as close my eyes … Rachel is about three feet away from Jaime … she's beyond screaming anymore, but the horror and pain in her eyes are a thousand times louder … she's being forced to ride another one of the bastards, and the moving lump in her chest means that his dick is pushing up into her sternum, tearing her apart internally. She's split from her vagina to her navel where he went in …

oh Jesus … I'm so sorry … I want to help them so badly, but I can't move … can't yell … can't turn my head … oh, Jamie … Rachel … I'm so fucking sorry …

Just as suddenly … it's gone again.

I'm shaking all over, and sweating like a fucking pig. I must have woken up, because the sky to the east was lightening up, and Jacob was curled up sleeping about seven feet away on the other side of the dead camp fire.

There's a funny taste in my mouth … I spit on the ground and find out it's blood. Then the pain from my tongue hits me … right where I had bit into it. A little reminder of the deal I've been offered I guess …

I sat and stared at Jacob for hours … then I made a decision …

There's no chance for forgiveness now … and no turning back …

I am so fucked